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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fairy Texts, Ya'll (Part II)

So, my last post set this whole thing up. If you want to know what the heck this is all about, please click here, and then come back and read.

It's completely ridiculous and a waste of your precious time, but hey...it's the internet. You get what you pay for.

Just as a reminder, the italics are my words, the bolds are Melinda's. I've also included the asides, just to irritate instruct you further...



Woodland Fairy
Once upon a time, there was a middle aged, PMS-ing, pissed off, bloated woodland fairy who lived in a magical mountain of laundry and poo. ..


One day, the sounds of her woodland fairy children reached a decibal point so loud that it sent the bloated woodland fairy mother into a state of frenzy. She was so desperate that she called upon...


Woodland Fairy II
...the local brewmeister. "Hello, dear sir," said she. "Kindly fetch me a tankard of ale before I turn you into a frog-faced newt." He turned around and saw her red glaring eyes and...


Was instantly smitten. She, however, was under the powerful spell of PMS and could not see the love in his eyes. He turned to fetch the tankard and the woodland fairy mistook this for his dismissal so she...


...slammed 5 acorns down on the bar, grabbed the tankard of ale and whirled around, preparing to stomp to a dark booth in the corner. She was not prepared, however, for the...


Sudden ruckus that erupted outside the front door of the tavern! Suddenly, the front door flew open and three giants, dressed like maytag repairmen, rushed into the room...


..."quickly, man," they shouted, "to the dishwasher!" The brewmeister jumped nimbly across the bar, club in hand, and started toward the kitchen door. As he opened it, 5 green sprites flew out, screaming, hands covering their ears. The dishwasher had become a haven for...


(you know that as soon as I illustrate this, it's getting blogged, right?)


Evil, belching, flatulent boweevils. Those boweevils were the only thing in all the fairyland that our heroine feared. Their putrid poo breath made her go mad. She smelled them from across the room, her red-eyes turning soft blue, and trembled. Meanwhile, the brewmeister...


(I double-dog dare you!)


Turned toward the woodland fairy and saw her collapse on the floor. He rushed over to her, picked her up and placed her carefully on the settee. She looked up at him, embarrased at having fainted and said,...
(oh, it's on, baby...with full credits...)