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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fairy Texts, Ya'll (Part I)

Woodland Fairy

Okay, so I mentioned the other day that Melinda and I texted for like 4 hours and that I was going to have to share it with you, but as it went on from there for two more days, I'm going to have to make it a serial post. So the rest of the week is going to be all about woodland fairies and poo.

And I know you're going to want to come back for that!

First - a little background...
  1. Melinda and I have known each other since, like, puberty. We have no boundaries. I'm sorry.
  2. I actually started the text complaining about my unrelenting hormonal surges of RAGE and my children's inability to speak below the ear-splitting decibel of an F22.
  3. Then, because it was random day, I mentioned that I smelled poop. (refer to point 1, please.) Please understand that there was no poop. It was phantom poo.
It was at that point that the texts start heading down this very strange path...

Melinda's texts are in bold, mine are in italics. Our mothers are going to be so proud...
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...As for the poop, maybe it's a new PMS symptom.


...It's my newest disorder, PPD. Premenstrual Poo Dysfunction


Now that's funny...you said poo.


I love saying poo. It's so much funnier than "s#*t."


I love it when you say poo, too. So, black or fire-engine red? I dyed mine brunette last week. Couldn't take the faded blonde another day.


I noticed that in the post for the award and was wondering. I'm going to try and avoid doing anything drastic...but if that doesn't happen, miss clairol is stepping in.


Try to wait. First attempt was too ashy light to cover blonde, so for a week, it had a lovely, silvery-greenish hue. I was in such a bad mood that I didn't give...(text was cut off)


I'l bet you looked like a woodland fairy! ;p


Not so much. I looked like a middle-aged PMSing pissed off bloated woodland fairy.


I think we should write that story...Once upon a time, there was a middle aged, PMS-ing pissed off bloated woodland fairy who lived in a magical mountain of laundry and poo...

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Okay - so have you ever played that game where one person starts a story and then stops at a critical moment and the next person picks up and continues the story and so on and so on and no one knows what's going to happen next?

The next three days were a completely spontaneous version of that game.

Now, the unlimited texting starts to pay off...

Tomorrow, the tale continues...