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Friday, September 23, 2011

A Vast Conspiracy

Myrtle

Pretty picture to distract you all from the rant...

I'm a good driver. I'm attentive - I don't text - I obey most traffic laws. I do assume that the speed limit signs are intended to be suggested starting points, but I don't speed, exactly. If the speed limit is 45, I'm going to do 45. Maybe 47. Ish.

So someone tell me - what the heck is up with people who drive 15 miles BELOW the speed limit? Seriously. Who are these people and where do they find all this extra time to drive so dang slowly? It drives me so incredibly batty, that I am afraid I'm going to do something rash, like you know, uh, COMPLAIN about it.

Ugh.

I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon, and on the way, I got behind a car doing 30 miles per hour in a 45 mile per hour zone. Two lanes. Double yellow lines. I finally turned off that road and made it fine for a while until I turned onto the main road to the store and got behind a different car, doing 30 in a 45. I finally...FINALLY...made it to the store and got my shopping done and headed home.

Where I got behind a THIRD car. Yes. You guessed it. 30 mph in a 45. Two lanes. Double yellow lines.

This is not a random occurrence, people. This is a conspiracy. A CONSPIRACY. I'm fairly sure I'm being watched. Traffic lights are being controlled by evil aliens intent on causing my BRAIN TO IMPLODE.

These are the same aliens that cause my children to leave their dirty socks under the couch and on the couch and tucked between the couch cushions. The same aliens who cause my dogs to vomit on my freshly cleaned carpets.

The very same aliens, in fact, that can cause my weight to increase 7.5 pounds overnight, my nails to break before dress-up events, and my car to be low on fuel whenever I start a long day of errands.

They are infiltrating our very society, people. Be wary. Be diligent.

(they may be coming for you next...)