Friday, October 06, 2006

I'm Hanging Out a Shingle

Finally, after years and years of expensive higher education, soul-searching, wandering on and off paths, and driving otherwise sane people completely bonkers with my angst and anxiety, I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP!

Actually, what I have discovered is that it’s something I’ve been doing for a very long time, but I’ve never been paid for it, and now I’m going to have to develop a fee schedule. You see – most of my life, I’ve just thought I was a bossy, know-it-all, opinionated and rather dispassionate woman. What I’ve recently found out however, is that I am a natural-born LIFE-COACH!!

Have you been hearing this term more and more often, like I have? Every where I turn, I hear “life-coach,” “relationship-coach,” or “spirituality-coach.” First of all – there’s the “-coach” thing – but we’ll have to save that for another day. Right now, we need to cover the whole concept of a “life-coach.”

Apparently, our whole society has gotten so whacked out, that we need to pay people to be what our friends, family, and clergy used to be. Whatever happened to calling your parents when you had a major life decision to make? What about calling your life-long friend that has seen you through every heartbreak and triumph? Has anyone ever heard of calling your pastor (priest/rabbi) when you need some solid advice? No? Okay – well, it is time I stepped in.

As a public service, I’ll be stepping up and offering my services at a reduced rate for the month of October. For a very reasonable $400/hour, you can contact me and I’ll tell you what to do in any situation. Starting in November, the rate will be $650/hour, so act now! Just to gain some trust from the general public, here are a few freebies…

  1. If your boyfriend treats you badly, cheats on you and lies around instead of working, DON’T MARRY HIM. You can’t change him, you’ll only make yourself miserable. There are plenty of nice men out there – raise your standards.
  2. When your children won’t listen to you because they are too busy playing their video games or watching TV, take away the video games and the TV. You are the boss. They are not. You don’t have to be their best friend, just their parent. They don’t have to like you. Did you like your parents when you were their age? Were they right anyway? Use your head!
  3. Give something to your community. There are a whole lot of people out there who have way less than you do. It doesn’t take much to make a whole lot of difference. Talk to people like they matter, regardless of their station in life. You’ll be amazed at how it changes your life.
  4. Pray. A lot.
  5. Call your mom, if she’s living. She knows more than you do.

    No kidding…you can trust me…I’m a Professional.
watercolor in large Moleskine watercolor sketchbook